Ill put that box in a box, in another box…

I dont think I fit in here...

So Im the kind of person who likes order. Everything has a place, a box, a shelf, an position. Over the years I have come to realize that perhaps it’s not just me, but in fact human nature to want to put everything in a place, give it order. Create meaning from chaos.

Well, thats great and all, but what happens when you don’t have a box?

What happens when all your life you have been putting things in their place and then look at yourself and realize… well… you don’t have one.

You are awkwardly average.

Then it gets worse because you realize you have put everyone else you know in a box. Your Mum; the healer and peacemaker, your Dad; the crazy wisdom giver and supporter and on and on it goes dissecting everyone you know and putting them in these special boxes in your head.

But then you come to yourself and go… well, Im cute but not gorgeous, smart but don’t get top marks, creative but not original, nerdy but not a gamer.

Awkwardly average. No box is quite the right fit and nothing quite defines you. Trying to fit yourself into shoes a size too small… it just doesn’t work.

Well, my friends, if thats how you feel (join the club) I have news for you, and it took me a long time to realize. Those boxes? Well, everyone fits into one because those are the boxes we created for them. We create them for our friends and family, even strangers. Boil their personalities down into a simple reduction which leaves their defining elements, maybe not what they would pick as their defining elements but what we believe defines them.

See we create these boxes… so that awkwardly average one Im sitting in? The one that doesn’t quite fit? Thats because maybe I’m not entirely sure who I am at the moment, maybe I wont ever, maybe you wont ever, but maybe it’s a journey. And we carry our boxes with us as we go through life carefully filling them with the bits of life that define us. Sometimes we might empty it out completely and start again but when you are feeling lost and like your box wont ever fit your awkwardly average self remember this:

Your family and your friends, they have boxes too, and yours? Well it has a name and your defining features are in there thats who you are to them so go and find out who you are for you.